A Grievous MissUnderstanding
by abovethenightsky
Summary: AU. In which Kira is a corrupt politician, and Mello is trying to bring him down anyway he can, even if it means agreeing to the craziest scheme he and Matt have ever tried to pull off. M/M, Light/some people, crossdressing, general randomness. COMPLETE.
1. Playing Dress Up

_Disclaimer: Characters are not mine at all, which is probably good for them. I sincerely apologize for my flagrant abuse of Mello's girlish looks._

_Also, I'm usually in the business of writing more serious fics (I have a longer, more complex, and less crack-based AU story somewhere on my plate), so this is a little new for me. It's not supposed to be believable, just fun. AU, crack, and fun. So I hope you all have fun reading this fic; I certainly enjoyed writing it._

_See you at the finish line!_

_D_

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A Grievous Miss-Understanding

**1 - Playing Dress-Up**

"You have got to be kidding me," Mello said. "We're actually gonna go _through_ with this?"

He stood in the middle of his bedroom with his arms crossed, shaking his head and looking incredibly peeved. Mello's the kind of guy who has two degrees of peeved: dangerously peeved and absurdly peeved. He was going for dangerous right then, and might have succeeded, but, taking their current situation into account, Matt thought that he looked rather absurd. After all, it was hard to take Mello seriously when the leather-clad, gun-toting, shoot-first-ask-later rebel-with-a-cause was staring so distastefully at a regular old shopping bag.

Matt took a long drag on his cigarette. "I don't see why not. It was your idea in the first place. And your ideas always work." He smirked. "Or so you claim."

"I was _kidding_ about this one. _Kidding_. You have to know when you're taking the joke too far."

"What, now?"

"_Yes, now_." Mello rolled his eyes. "God, how I even got this far in life with a best-friend-slash-partner-slash-whatever-you-are who acts like you I'll never understand."

"Yeah, yeah." Matt shrugged it off with a grin; he was used to this. "Better get dressed, Princess, or we're going to be late to the ball."

Mello snatched the bag from Matt with disdain. "There have _got_ to be easier ways to bring down a dictator. And _don't_ call me 'Princess' if you value what's left of your life," he said, shaking the bag at Matt in a manner that was supposed to be threatening. All it did, though, was make Matt laugh again, and Mello sighed and stormed off towards the bathroom.

"I'll stop calling you 'Princess,'" Matt called after him, "When you stop acting like a pampered teenage girl."

"Fuck you!"

The bathroom door slammed shut, and Matt had to smile. Mello got so worked up for the pettiest reasons, whether the cause was one of Matt's nicknames for him ('Mel' or 'Mels' or 'Princess,' among others) or that they were out of his precious chocolate again, or just that he felt like getting ticked off that day. Although, today's excuse wasn't so petty.

Quite the contrary.

Matt had to give Mello credit where credit was due—the man was hardly as much of a "princess" as his nicknames would lead someone to believe. He was, in Matt's opinion, pretty kick-ass, a sort of vigilante with a very specific mission: bring down Kira.

It was harder than it sounded. Light Yagami, alias Kira, effectively ruled the world these days. A politician who had worked his way up through somewhat shady means, Kira now had his hand everywhere: most governments, most media outlets, most everything that mattered. To Mello, and, by extension of being Mello's beliefs, to Matt, the two things Kira was best at were spreading propaganda and terrorizing innocent people.

How exactly did he do that? He made an example of the "criminals," killing them off, one by one. Sure, he _started _by killing off the criminals, but somewhere along the line the definition of "criminal" stretched to include "anyone in Light Yagami's way." And Mello, who wasn't fond of tyrants and bullies, wasn't going to stand for that. No sir.

Mello and Matt had tried to work inside of the "official" rebellion at first, the one where the mysterious figureheads were known simply letters, run by "L" and "N" at the top. And Mello, who had been "M," could have gone far there, but they worked too slowly for him. Mello was cut out for things more thrilling, more violent, and more dangerous than spreading the truths about Kira's regime. So he had left the rebellion, and dragged Matt, his childhood best friend, "M2," with him, to pursue a different course of action entirely.

Namely, taking care of Kira's cronies one by one. And so far, they'd been doing well with that. But now the time was right to go for the real target: Kira himself.

"Hey!" Matt called, rapping his knuckles on the bathroom door. "Hurry up in there!"

He heard a crash, and then a curse from Mello. "I'm _trying_, this damn thing won't—I _hate_ this!"

If all went well tonight, Matt and Mello were going to rid the world of Kira and his influence forever. But that was a big if. Kira was heavily guarded, and wouldn't be easy to get rid of without endangering innocents. But even before getting to Kira, they'd have to get into his little celebration (in honor of his own birthday) without being caught. And whether they could do that depended on what Mello was doing in the bathroom.

From the sound of it, things in the bathroom weren't going well at all.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, hold on a—okay, got it." A pause. "_Dam_mit, Matt, we aren't actually doing this, are we?"

"It was your idea."

"Yeah, but I mean…it isn't going to actually _work_." There was a bitter, almost resigned note in Mello's voice.

"Hmmm…We'll have to see. Come out of there."

He heard a hesitant click from the knob, and the door opened.

"Holy shit," said Matt.

"What?" Mello asked, grabbing a chocolate bar from the nearest shelf and ripping off the wrapper in frustration. "Is it really that bad?"

"…No." Matt was having trouble getting his mouth to work properly. Goddammit. "No, actually, it, uh, it looks good. Really good."

He could barely believe Mello had actually put it on, but, there he stood, wearing the dress Matt had bought earlier.

Yeah, that was right. A dress. Matt couldn't really believe it either.

Maybe Mello had agreed to wear it because it was black, and Mello rarely wore anything that wasn't black. That was one point in its favor. Probably the _only_ point. It was strapless, largely backless—some kind of halter-top thing, Matt didn't know what they were called. It fastened around the back of Mello's neck and sort of flowed down from there, except there was some sort of shiny black belt at his waist that kept it all together. It was long, but it even had a slit down one of the sides.

_Anything to get Kira_, Matt supposed.

"Maybe you should wear it all the time," he offered.

Mello glared at him, looking as if he were about to fling the chocolate bar at Matt's head. "You just have a death wish, don't you?"

"No, I mean, I actually think this might work," Matt said, noting Mello's big blue eyes and his blonde hair, which fell almost to his shoulders. He was just young enough and just skinny enough to pull this off. "I mean, if I didn't know it was you, I might actually consider dating you."

Mello shook his head in exasperation. "Matt, we've been over this. You, being you, would probably consider dating me anyway."

Matt, being Matt, would not just consider dating Mello, he would probably do it if he had the chance, and he thought Mello was clued in on that by this point. Or, to put it another way, Mello knew Matt was bi-_something_ (and, for some reason, didn't care too much when he'd found out; they'd been friends for awhile, after all) but, as far as Matt could figure, didn't know _exactly _what Matt thought about him. He could probably guess, though. Matt wasn't quite trying to hide it as much anymore.

He slipped one of his hands in his pocket, the other still holding the cigarette. "No comment."

Mello glanced back at the mirror. "Perv. I bet you bought this thing just so you could see what I looked like in it."

_Yes_. "No," Matt said. "I bought it because of what you casually said a little while back. And I quote, 'Oh look, Matt, Kira's having another one of his little parties.' 'Oh, is that so, Mello?' 'Oh, indeed. Maybe we should go together and shoot him and have a jolly good time.' 'But Mello, we're wanted men!' 'That's okay, I can pretend to be your date. Then I can shoot Kira when he hits on me!'"

"I don't think it went exactly like _that_," Mello said, frowning. "And I wasn't _serious_, for God's sake. I can't pull off this dress. I don't have the figure for it."

"You have got to be fucking with me."

"No, I'm serious," Mello pressed. "Most girls have chests, Matt, as you've probably learned from your video games. I don't have anything right there. This will never work."

"Not _all_ girls have chests," Matt corrected. "Look at Kiera Knightly. Actually, it's probably better that you're flat, because otherwise you'd have to try dealing with a strapless bra or whatever girls wear, and that would be really inconvenient as this dress has no back." Ignoring Mello's sigh, Matt looked him up and down. "You're missing _something_, though. Oh yeah, jewelry. There are some earrings at the bottom of the bag."

"Are you _serious_?"

"They're clip-on," Matt clarified. "I asked the woman at the store what I could get for someone who doesn't have piercings."

"_Clip-on_? Matt, those things _hurt_!"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "How would you know, Mel?"

Grumbling, Mello retreated into the bathroom to find the earrings and put them on while Matt waited outside, tapping his foot. This plan was actually going to be fun. That was, if they didn't get exposed, captured, publicly humiliated, and executed.

Mello turned back to Matt, fake sapphires now hanging from each ear, glittering in the light. Those stones really did complement his eyes. A nice if _ridiculous_ complement to his eyes. God, Mello with earrings, who would have thought? "Okay," he said, rolling his eyes. "Am I done yet?"

"Almost," Matt said. "You need…hmm…you need makeup."

"_Matt!_"

"Well, you do. All the other girls will be wearing some. It's in the bag."

"For fuck's sake, Matt!" Mello bit into his chocolate bar, and then, suddenly, raised his head to look up at Matt. "We're really doing this?"

"Hey," Matt said, tossing his cigarette into an ashtray. "You're the one who calls the shots around here, remember? Whatever you say goes." When Mello didn't say anything, Matt put an arm around his shoulder. "You look gorgeous, babe," he said. "Always have, always will. Just don't _worry_ about it. You need to relax. Everything's gonna be fine."

"Ha." Mello pushed Matt away. "I need to find somewhere to conceal my gun, that's what I need to do." As he went back into the bathroom, he paused and looked at himself in the mirror. "Hey, Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

Matt gaped for a moment, then blinked and said, "…You really are fucking with me this time, aren't you."

"Yes, I am." Mello smirked. "Get your tux on, Romeo. We don't want to be late for the party."


	2. Sweet Transvestite

_A/N: Wow! Thank you guys so much for a great response to the first chapter, and particularly to **romulus-girl, SistaOSCA,**_ _**Matt'sUke,** and_ _**Miss-Lena**_ _for reviewing._

_Anyway, I've decided to give you all a little challenge for this chapter: Spot the reference to the _Rocky Horror Picture Show_. Oh wait, you mean it's in the title? XD_

_Okay, then, the real challenge, which is actually not that challenging: tell me the significance of the initials of Matt and Mello's aliases. First person to do it gets a virtual cookie. If you don't get it, don't worry; I'll post the answer with the next chapter._

_Have fun!_

_D_

**2 – Sweet Transvestite**

"I can't believe it," Mello said, glancing out the window of their limousine. "I can't believe were actually going through with this. I mean…look at me."

Mello knew all too well that Matt _had_ been looking at him, and often, but the redhead chose that moment to focus more on his PSP instead of on his partner. "What amazes me," he said, "is that you managed to get us a goddamn _limo_ to take us to Kira's place. And on such short notice."

"I have connections," Mello replied, studying his nails, which were now…red. Like his toenails. This was so fucked up. "This better be worth it. Do I actually look like a girl?"

"Well, with the blush, and the eye shadow, and the earrings, and the dress," Matt rattled off, "I mean, yeah, you do. And the heels make your legs look really long, like a model or something."

"I _hate_ the heels." It had taken Mello a few minutes of walking around the apartment to get used to them, and even as he had gotten the feel for them, his arches had started to hurt. "_Hate_. Instead of shooting Kira, I think we should get him to wear them, and then have him walk around until he keels over in frustration. I don't know _why_ girls put up with these things."

"Death by high heels." Matt paused his game. "Well, it fits all of the major execution qualifications: long, excruciatingly painful, and humiliating. Not sure it would go over very well with the general public, though." He reached into his pocked and drew out a cigarette, then groped around for a lighter.

"Matt," Mello said warningly. "Don't smoke in the limo. You don't want me to actually have to _pay_ for it, these things are expensive as hell."

He could tell Matt was a little nervous, though. Matt only smoked when he was nervous, or anxious, or annoyed. Hell, _Mello_ was nervous, and he had more to worry about than Matt did. Sure, they might both _die_, but at least Matt would be wearing practical shoes when he did it. And Matt didn't really worry about failing "the cause;" he just happened to follow Mello around. But Mello worried. He felt that, on some level, assassinating Kira while wearing an evening gown was already some unspoken violation of "the cause," but it was a little too late to be thinking about that just now.

Tonight, he would show those idealistic leaders of the rebellion, L and N, the right way to get rid of a dictator. And if he had to suffer high heels for that, well, then, so be it.

"I think we're here," he said, as the limo slowed down in front of a very Victorian-looking building with far too many columns for his taste. "Let's get out, okay?"

Stepping onto the curb, however, proved easier said than done. Mello had to balance on the limo to keep himself from falling over, and then had to reopen the door when he closed it on his dress by accident. "Goddamn it."

"You're going to have to do something about your voice," Matt chimed in helpfully. "I mean, don't go for a falsetto or anything, just…try to be a little lighter. Purr. Or something."

_Purr? Was he kidding?_ "No way in _hell_," Mello said, taking Matt's arm. "Although," he added, adopting a much smoother tone of voice, a contralto instead of a baritone, "You know I'd do _anything_ for you, baby."

"Augh!" Matt exclaimed. "Mayday, mayday, overkill alert. Abort, abort!" But he was smiling. He was enjoying this too terribly much, and Mello knew exactly why.

Oh, he wasn't _stupid_. He knew Matt had been attracted to him for an eternity, and the only reason he continued to put up with it was that there was a chance he felt something not-entirely-platonic in the Matt-ward direction. He'd put that aside, though, for something much more important, namely, disposing of Kira. Matt would be a distraction from his goal. And Matt, it seemed, was doing his best tonight to prove Mello right about his being a distraction, with his little cheeky smiles and glances and crazy, _crazy_ plan (even if it was almost sort of Mello's own idea) and his tendency to get on Mello's nerves much more easily than anyone else.

"You know," Matt said, adjusting the sleeves on his jacket, "I sort of like this tux. Makes me feel like…James Bond."

Mello flashed him an incredibly insincere smile. "I love what you've done with your hair, Mr. Bond, although I'm not sure that the red is quite your color. Introduce me to your girlfriend sometime, she's kind of cute."

"Heh." Matt shrugged. "I'm much more a Q than a Bond, I suppose. Oh!" A grin spread across his face. "And that brings me to several features of your little ensemble tonight that I modified myself."

"Really?" Mello asked, still in full-fledged vocal overkill mode. "Do tell."

"Well," Matt flicked his cigarette into a nearby ashtray. "To start with, we have your earrings. Now, they _look_ like ordinary earrings, yes? But in the right one, I've installed a tiny camera, right in the gem, and in the left one there's a tiny communication device. If you look, there's a little bit of wiring on the back of the devices, but from the front they're completely normal. So as long as your hair doesn't block them, I'll be able to see and hear what you're doing at all times. Try to keep your hair behind your ears."

"Sweet." Mello shook his hair out of his face, glad the damn sparkly earrings now actually had a practical application. Now if only they weren't so heavy. "Anything else I should know about?"

"Well, you've already discovered the false pocket in your purse, I saw you put your pistol in there in the limo. And there's this."

He drew a simple, golden ring out of his pocket. It looked ordinary enough, but it still made Mello smirk. "Are you _proposing_? Now doesn't seem like the time."

"Very funny," Matt said. "Look, smart-ass, it's innocuous enough, but if you can hold down the little switch right here—" He turned it over and showed Mello the tiny ridge on the underside. "You activate a small but powerful laser. It's pretty useful in a tight spot."

"Holy shit," Mello said, taking the ring from Matt and slipping it on the fourth finger of his left hand. "You really thought ahead with this one, didn't you? You even ditched your goggles."

"Well, I tried." Matt grinned. "And the goggles were a sort of trade off. I have sunglasses in my pocket." Mello rolled his eyes. _Sunglasses at night. Like he'd be needing those_. "But let's get inside," Matt continued. "You've got to be cold, Mel."

Mello _was_, and it was the fault of his dress for not having any damn shoulders. "You _sure_ we're gonna be able to get in okay?"

"No problem," Matt said with absolute certainty. "I hacked the guest list and added our names to it. Of course, you're 'Melanie King' and I'm 'Martin Jones.'" He winked mischievously. "I didn't want to be too obvious."

"How much more obvious can you get than 'Melanie?'" Mello grumbled, but he let Matt escort him up the stairs and to the door.

They gave their (fake) names and presented (fake) identification to the man at the door, who let them through without question. Inside the beautiful wooden doors, the opulence practically made Mello gag. The building itself was handsome enough, although Mello had never been a fan of columns, and those were _everywhere_, but the decorations…ugh. Too much, with the lights and the huge centerpieces on the tables and the _everything_¸ and Mello wouldn't have been surprised if Yagami had a giant picture of himself hung up somewhere to complement the décor. And they'd only entered the main hallway. The ballroom was at the other end. Mello spotted other guests, mostly young, pretty, and handsomely dressed, talking amongst themselves in couples or small groups. _Well_, Mello supposed, _he must know who to invite to a party_. It sickened him. Everything was so showy, so fake, so, ugh, so very characteristic of Light Yagami, Kira.

"Cocky," Matt said. "No metal detectors or anything. What, he's just assuming no one's going to walk in with a gun?"

"It's good for us that he _did_ assume that," Mello replied. "Otherwise we'd have to get our guns around the detectors somehow. I'd have to smile pretty at the guards while you ran around the side."

"Yeah. Like that would _work_."

Mello glanced around at the scene. "He's not as cocky as you think," he said. "Security guards everywhere, see?" He indicated a couple of men in dark uniforms standing by the edge of the room. "He probably has some in plainclothes, too. We try to shoot him now, we'd be dead before you could say 'transvestite.'"

Matt bit his lip to suppress laughter. "By the way, my sweet transvestite, you're going to have to go a little softer with the gestures. A woman wouldn't gesture so forcefully."

"Oh, you shu—" Mello began, but he stopped abruptly as he realized there were other people around. "You shouldn't criticize me so much in public, _honey._"Avoiding Matt's glance, he smiled at a young couple who walked through the door, and noticed, with a bit of relish, that the man's gaze lingered on him a little too long. Mello blinked, realizing belatedly that it might have looked like he was batting his eyelashes, since those were visible now that he was wearing mascara. The girl, who shot Mello a withering look, tugged on her date's sleeve, and they both kept walking on towards the ballroom.

"I think that guy just checked you out, Mel," Matt said, sounding both amused and appalled.

"Mhm." Mello put his hands on his hips and smiled. Under any other circumstances, he would have been majorly pissed off. But since it meant his disguise was working…"Probably wondering what a girl like me is doing here with a dork like you. Come on, _Martin_. Let's go in and…enjoy the evening, hmm?"

And, as he strutted off into the main room with Matt in tow, he began to have a slight change of heart. Perhaps this would be a little bit of fun after all.

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_You know the deal, chickadees. R & R, and there will be more Mello in a dress coming your way soon. ;)_

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	3. Whatever Kira Wants

_A/N: Yay! A fast update, spurred by the reviews from you lovely people. Special thanks to **lul wut?** (anonymous reviewer XD), **SistaOSCA **(who wins the internet for imagining Mello as Frank'n'Furter; I used to have a DN/Rocky Horror Parody lined up),_ _**dull spork**, and_ _**Yumiaria**._

**_Yumiaria_** _was also the first person to get the fairly obvious chapter challenge: the initials of Mello and Matt's aliases correspond to the initials of their real names (Mihael Kheel is Melanie King, Martin Jones is Mail Jeevas). Congrats! You win a virtual cookie and my undying respect._

_This chapter's challenge is somewhat harder: What is the significance of the 8-digit combination that Matt enters into his phone? Or, the bonus point: Which musical is Mello (read: the author) referencing when he says "Whatever Kira wants, Kira gets"?_

_Happy reading!_

_D_

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3 – Whatever Kira Wants

"Oh!" Mello exclaimed upon stepping into the ballroom. "_There's_ the giant picture of Kira. I was wondering when that would show up."

Matt glanced to where Mello was staring (with barely masked disdain) and saw that there was, indeed, a blown-up picture of the politician's smiling face on the opposite wall, under a rather garish red and white banner reading "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Matt didn't know if it was just his opinion of the guy or what, but that smile seemed a little menacing, perhaps a bit creepy. _At least he's a young, good-looking guy_, Matt thought as a grudging consolation. _I'd hate to have to stare at some old geezer the entire night. As faces go, Yagami's isn't too bad_._ If you can forget who he is, that is, or ignore the pure narcissism of him superimposing his face on a wall._

"He looks good," Matt said.

"I know," Mello agreed, rolling his eyes so subtly that only Matt would catch it. "A party isn't a party unless there's a giant picture of Kira on the wall. That's what I think."

"I'm glad you agree," said someone standing behind them. "I thought it was a good idea, too."

Matt and Mello spun around to come face-to-face with a dark man in a dark suit. Or rather, almost face-to-face—more like forehead-to-nose—as the man was quite tall, a couple of inches taller than Mello in his heels. The man wore glasses and had the distinct appearance of someone who took things far too seriously, and yet, he somehow wore it well. He was also strikingly good-looking; Kira liked surrounding himself with young, attractive, intelligent, capable people. Matt recognized this guy for who he was almost immediately.

"Mr. Teru Mikami?" Mello squeaked. Yes, squeaked. Matt wasn't quite sure how he'd managed it. "I can't believe it's you! I've so admired your work under the Kira administration." Matt looked at him in surprise—Mello was gazing at Mikami in a way that could almost be called _flirtatious_, which was quite a feat, seeing as Mello probably actually wanted to pull out his pistol and shoot the man on the spot.

Mikami, however, didn't seem to notice anything either way. "Charmed, I'm sure. And, you two are…"

"Jones. Martin Jones," Matt said, falling back on his default "In a tux, I am James Bond" mode. He shook hands with Mikami, a firm handshake, which was appropriate, because this man was second to only Kira himself. "And this is my…my friend, Melanie King."

"Oh yes. I remember your names from when I read over the guest list." He held his hand out to Mello.

"We were just admiring the décor," Mello remarked casually, taking Mikami's hands warmly in both of his own. Matt was amazed at Mello's self restraint: he did not, in fact, seize the man's wrist, flip him over, and point a gun at his head, as he would have at any other time. "I think it suits the occasion."

"Thank you," Mikami said. "Kira left me to plan his party."

"You did well." Mello kept trying to make direct eye-contact with Mikami, which was annoying Matt a little bit, particularly because of the way Mello had tilted his head to the side and started fiddling with his hair. "He must hold a lot of trust in you, if he left you to organize all of this."

"Well, I hope he enjoys it." The statement sounded perfectly sincere, and Matt took note of the way Mikami's hands fidgeted slightly—he obviously cared quite a lot about what Kira thought of him. He'd go far that way.

"Oh, I think he will," Mello fawned. "Especially the picture. He isn't here yet?"

"Kira prefers to be fashionably late," Mikami recited. "If you'll excuse me, I think I just saw the ambassadors from United Kingdom walk through the door." He inclined his head. "It was nice to meet you both."

"Likewise," Matt said. He waited until Mikami was very far out of earshot, then grabbed Mello's arm and whispered, "What do you think you're _doing_?"

"What are you talking about, _Martin_?" Mello asked, looking innocent. "I was just being friendly. He seems like a nice man. A little uptight."

"Don't play coy with me, you little—oh God, this is so wrong." Matt let Mello go and pressed his hand to his forehead. "You were very obviously flirting with him, Mel. And your voice is so good that it's starting to creep me out."

"What? Are you jealous?"

"Of your _voice?_"

"No, you twit. Of Mikami."

Matt snorted. "No. Although it wouldn't be out of place if you _did_ flirt with your date a little more."

"Well, tough luck." Mello smiled. "I was just warming up on him, anyway. Making sure I could stay in character around people I absolutely loathe. But now…" He held up his handbag. "I'm going to go find the bathroom. I'd rather have my gun on me than in this thing. It's much safer."

"Make sure you go into the Ladies' Room, okay? Otherwise, there might be some complications," Matt teased, and Mello rolled his eyes and stalked off.

Great. Now that he was alone, he had a little bit of work to do. He couldn't let Mello have all the fun.

He'd modified his cell phone just for this occasion. He pulled it out of his to make sure it could receive the signals from Mello's earrings. Entering in the preprogrammed 8-digit combination on his keypad (1-2-1-3-1-9-8-9), he pressed the phone to his ear, and heard a female someone, who was not Mello, say, "Excuse _me_."

"Well, if you were just _watching_ where you were—I mean, excuse _me_." Matt smiled. That _was_ Mello. He pressed the pound key and got an image of an indignant- looking young woman slightly obscured by fine strands of blonde hair. Perfect. All systems go.

Feeling pretty pleased with himself, he strode towards the window and lit a cigarette. Everything had gone smoothly so far, but he still needed to calm his nerves a bit, because goddammit if he didn't notice how a lot of the men in the room had looked at Mello when he'd walked in. And they weren't funky lady-looks-like-a-dude kind of looks, they were "Wow, who is _that_?" kind of looks. Funny? Yes. Unnerving? Yes. Somewhat aggravating? Definitely. Matt didn't _own_ Mello, no one owned Mello, but if Mello kept acting the way he had with Mikami, Matt would have to pick him up, throw him in the limo, take him home, and teach him that just because he was wearing a dress, he did not have license to go around, flirt with every guy, get hit on, and enjoy it.

He wasn't sure how Mello would take that—not well, probably—and Matt would never actually have the guts to do it, but the thought made him smile anyway.

"Hey, Bond comma James," someone called, and he looked up to see Mello waking back towards him. "As much as I approve of you getting ash on Kira's pretty potted plants, I wouldn't like us to get thrown out for you smoking indoors."

Sighing, Matt flicked his cigarette butt into the nearest pretty potted plant. "You look good," he said. "Where'd you put the gun? I can't see it."

Mello raised an eyebrow. "That's for me to know and you not to find out."

_Oh. So that's how it is_. Well, of course it was, because the only way to find out where Mello _hid _the thing would be to forcibly remove his dress. Which would, again, not go over well, and probably result in Matt getting shot.

"What were you doing all this time, anyway? Being generally useless?" Mello asked.

"No…just…waiting for our guest of honor to arrive."

"Well, I don't think you'll have to wait any longer," Mello said, indicating the door with a perfectly girlish gesture. "He's here."

Matt looked over his shoulder and saw that Kira was, indeed, there. He was too far away to see properly, but it looked as if he was accompanied by a small blonde Barbie doll. That would be Misa Amane, his on-again, off-again girlfriend, part-time model/singer/actress. Why on-again, off-again? Well, everyone knew Light Yagami was a philanderer, hell, Misa probably knew, but she either loved him or loved his position enough to somehow ignore it. Judging from the way she was clinging to his arm…

"Hey," Mello said suddenly. "Did you bring any chocolate?"

Matt reached into his inside jacket pocket. He'd known Mello would need some when he saw Kira. "Here you go," he said, handing it over.

"My hero," Mello said,with a hint of bitter sarcasm. He tore the wrapper off and tossed it over with Matt's cigarette, then snapped off a piece of chocolate as if he were snapping Light Yagami's neck.

"Um," Matt began, trying to be heard over Mello's fervent munching. "You probably shouldn't eat all of that. I think they're going to serve dinner now that our friend Kira is here."

"Screw that. I'm not hungry," Mello snapped, taking another bite of his chocolate bar and glaring across the room.

"Okay…" Mello wasn't making much sense. This was a bad sign. "Mel. Pay attention. Remember what you said about staying in character?"

"Fuck character. I have a gun, and he has a face that's just begging to be blown off."

"And he has tons of bodyguards over there, Mel! Look at them all!" Matt sighed. "Look, as much as I hate to say it, you're not going to be able to shoot him unless you can get him alone. And you're not going to be able to get him alone unless you can use your…um…feminine wiles." Mello transferred his glare to Matt, who sighed and put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "I just don't want you to get killed, okay? You've done so well this far, Mel. I know you can get close to Kira without shooting him. You managed to carry on a conversation with Mikami, it can't be too much harder. So come on. Let's go sit down, and eat dinner, and keep a cool head."

"Mmnh."

"_Please_?"

Mello's expression softened. "If you insist," he said, reverting back to his more feminine voice. "I suppose I'll have to pull through it as best I can."

"That's my girl." Matt slipped an arm around his waist. "Just act natural. In a manner of speaking."

As they walked towards the tables, Mello mumbled, "By the way, I'll have you know my feet are killing me."

"That means the shoes are doing their jobs," Matt replied, glancing at the table with the place cards. "Let's see, we're at…table 13. That's towards the front. You up for the walk, Princess?"

Mello's strides suddenly became a lot straighter. Apparently, he was determined to show Matt that, yes, he could do this, and, no, he was not a princess. Not one bit.

Their table gave them a clear vantage point of the main, rectangular table, set in a line in front of the giant picture of Kira's face. Kira himself was in the middle of the table, between Amane and Mikami, and, now that Matt could see him, he thought that he looked much better in real life than he did on that canvas. Light Yagami was very young to be ruling the world, and his eyes sparkled with a demonic brilliance. His hair was brown, and flatteringly cut around his face, and the man himself was fit and tan and well-dressed. It was incredible how his looks didn't give away any indication of his ruthlessness, except, perhaps, his eyes, which seemed cold and unexpressive. He did smile as he addressed everyone, but Matt didn't like his smiles. They were too calculated. Everything about him was too calculated. Matt glanced at Mello and saw that he was smiling at Kira, his mortal enemy, without any hint of distaste.

The food was served, but Matt, between bites of potato and cod, noticed that Mello barely touched it. He was too busy looking at Yagami, trying to catch his eye. And hell if it wasn't working. With Misa on his left and Mikami on his right, Matt was surprised that the guy wasn't completely monopolized. But he somehow found a way to look right back at Mello. And keep looking.

That was when Matt started second-guessing himself. Not about whether Mello could do this, no, Mello seemed entirely capable. But could Matt _let_ him do this?

"Hey, Mel."

"Quiet, I'm being friendly."

A pause. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"Oh, I know." Mello smirked. "Look."

Light was motioning to Mikami while Amane, evidently, was trying to chatter his ear off. He whispered something to his second-in-command, who nodded, stood up, said something else to someone at the side, and then approached Mello and Matt's table. Matt gawked.

"Hello, Mr. Mikami," Mello said, smiling politely. "Can I help you?"

_Of course you can help him. You know _damn well_ what's going on_, Matt thought. "Is there a problem?" he asked out loud.

"Oh, there's no problem," Mikami said cordially. "Kira would like to invite you to join us at the Head Table." He indicated the spots next to Amane where two chairs were being brought in.

"And whatever Kira wants, Kira gets_,_" Mello whispered to Matt. "We'd be honored. Lead the way."

* * *

_Uh-oh. Sounds like things are getting a little serious on the Kira-catching front. And how about that Mikami, eh? Well, you know the drill, folks. R&R, and you get to see what happens when Beauty meets the Beast. See you then!_


	4. Shaken, not Stirred

_A/N: Slightly longer author's note this time, but bear with me, there's some good stuff in here._

_First of all, I've decided to make my designated update days Tuesday (night), Friday (night), and Sunday (afternoon). I think I'll be able to stick to this schedule. Just wanted to let you guys know, because I got a lot of anonymous reviews last chapter and I find that it's hard to keep track of a story without a Story Alert to tell me it has updated. So, now you guys know._

_Fantastic response to the last chapter! I was utterly thrilled. Thanks to **SistaOSCA, Bluemoon4Sphinx, Aja-Armani, Saigocage, dull spork **and the anonymous reviewers, **Noxie, Varu-chan, Fantabulous, **and **CelestialAngel** for their reviews. **CelestialAngel **and **Saigocage** also won last chapter's challenges! The 8-digit code was Mello's birthday (guess Matt needed to program it as something he wouldn't forget?) and the musical was_ Damn Yankees_, and the specific reference was to the song "Whatever Lola Wants, Lola Gets."_

_This chapter's challenge is another musical one: Which musical is Misa referencing when she complements Mello on his dress? I'm asking about one specific complement. If you know the musical, the complement I mean should be pretty obvious._

_…goodness, that's a weird question to be asking. See ya'll later!_

_D_

**

* * *

**

4 – Shaken, Not Stirred

The look on Matt's face as Mikami escorted them to the High Table was utterly priceless, and almost made this entire stupid charade worth it for Mello. He was both thrilled and appalled to be getting this far, to somehow have charmed his way up right next to the most powerful man in the world. Feminine wiles, indeed. The way things were going, Kira would be dead by the end of the night.

Focusing on Mikami's back to hide his smirk, Mello thought suddenly of how Kira treated his second-in-command like a dog. Someone else should be showing them to their table, someone else should have had to plan Kira's little party for him. But Mikami seemed, if anything, more eager to please Kira the more Kira heaped trivial responsibilities on him. That was one of the problems with Kira, one of many—he had so many people responding to his beck and call that he thought himself entitled to the world. And so he had taken the world, without facing too much resistance. His logic seemed to go: _Why? Because I can_.

If he though he could have Mello the same way, he had another think coming.

"Lord Kira," Mikami said (Mello had to consciously force himself not to grimace). "Melanie King and Martin Jones." He stopped, then. Apparently, Kira/Light Yagami and Misa Amane required no introduction.

"Good evening," Yagami said, addressing Mello much more than Matt. It was much too easy to smile back at him. Much too easy.

"Light was just saying how interesting you two looked," Amane said. Her voice was far top high and squeaky and goddamn annoying, and Mello got the impression that there should be a little heart after Yagami's name each time she said it. She was just…so bubbly, this girl. "Light just _adores_ interesting people. Go on, sit down! Where are you from?"

Mello sat in the high-backed, wooden chair, remembering to keep his knees together. Sitting in dresses was such a pain. "The UK," he heard Matt say. "By way of LA."

"Oh!" Amane squealed, clasping her hands together in a way that made Mello seriously regret his policy of not killing innocents. "British people have the cutest accents! Don't you think so, Light?"

"Yes," Yagami said, his own voice still carrying a hint of a Japanese accent. He was obviously humoring his overexcited girlfriend. Hell, the girl would have to be blind to miss the way he was looking at Mello. Mello straightened in his seat.

"Light is always pulling up the most interesting people to sit with us at parties," Amane explained, unprompted, to Mello. "He thinks Misa will get lonely at the main table with all these men around." She giggled. Had she just referred to herself in the third person? Jesus.

_Oh._ But now they knew the official excuse. Matt snorted, and Mello kicked him under the table. "That's very thoughtful of you," he said to Yagami.

"Oh, Light's always so thoughtful," Amane replied, beaming at Yagami, who did not return the look. "Your dress is so pretty, by the way, Mel. Is it alright to call you Mel?" _No,_ it definitely _wasn't_, but she didn't leave Mello any time to object. "Black is always in. You know, Misa heard black was this year's pink. And Misa just _loves_ black dresses, they're so classy."

"I…love black, too." Mello said, finding it very, very difficult to keep his composure. No _wonder_ Yagami was cheating on this girl, she was almost unbearable. Well meaning, but unbearable.

"And your _earrings_, they match your eyes. Don't you think so, Light? They're just so gorgeous."

"I agree," Yagami said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Gorgeous."

Yagami was not. Looking. At Mello's earrings. If things continued this way, he was going to have to shoot the man, right here, right now, cover be damned.

But Mello needed things to continue this way, because, chances were, if they did, he'd get closer to Kira than he'd ever wanted to get (namely, alone with him), and then he'd be able to shoot him and go home and put pants back on. He missed his pants.

Dinner, thankfully, did not go on much longer. Dessert was brought out, but Mello didn't eat it, because it wasn't chocolate. He spent the entire time, actually, not eating, because he was too busy sharing suggestive glances with Light Yagami, his mortal enemy. Matt eventually distracted Amane from analyzing Mello's outfit by complementing her on her latest photo shoot, explaining that he was a big fan, that he'd followed her modeling career, blah blah blah, but that didn't help the cause much, as she was still glued to Light's arm.

When the band began to play again, Amane pulled Light up to dance, and Matt and Mello left the table to discuss dinner by the side of the room.

"You know, I like these guys," Matt said, snapping his fingers to whatever the band was playing right then. "Did Mikami choose them, too? He has good taste."

"That goddamn fucking son-of-a-bitch," Mello said. "He just can't keep his goddamn eyes to himself, can he? Oh, wait, he doesn't need to, he can do whatever he wants because he's _Kira_. That slimy…bastard." He bit into a second chocolate bar, provided by Matt, angrily. "Fuck," he added for good measure.

"Mel, don't…"

"And his _girlfriend_, Matt! His stupid, intentionally oblivious little girlfriend! Between the two of them I don't know who I'd choose. Goddamn fucking self-absorbed people…" He trailed off to a low grumble.

"Gotcha. Fucking. Self-absorbed. You finished with your rant now?"

Mello checked his breathing (normal), took another bite of his chocolate bar, and softly said, "Yeah."

"Good." Matt shook his hair out of his eyes. "Because I'm going to leave you on your own for awhile."

"What?! You can't do that!" He grabbed Matt's sleeve, realized how desperate he must seem, and let it go immediately. "You're the only thing that's keeping me sane! What if I forget myself and shoot him?"

"Whoa, whoa, down, girl." Matt took hold of Mello's shoulders again and looked straight into his eyes. "I'll be following you through your earrings, okay? It's better if I don't hang around you too much, otherwise Yagami might think you're in a relationship."

"He wouldn't _care_," Mello muttered.

"True, but we want to make this as easy as possible for everyone. Light gets to you faster, you shoot him faster, and we get out faster. You think you can handle it?"

"Handle it?" Mello repeated, incredulous. Sure, he'd just thrown a minor tantrum, but who did Matt think he _was_? It was just the nerves. It had to be just the nerves. "Hell yes, I'll show you how well I can handle it."

Mello walked away to get something to drink. He thought he deserved it. Hell, he thought he might even need it. His feet were killing him again, _and_ he'd have to talk to Kira/Yagami/Light-with-a-heart again. Hopefully not do any more than talk. He ignored a couple of stares from various guys as he walked by. Who knew being this sexy was so hard?

When he finally made it to the bar, and the (female, thank goodness, so he didn't have to worry about being ogled) bartender asked him what he wanted, he heard a little voice in his ear say, "A dry martini. Shaken, not stirred."

He ignored the little voice and got vodka instead. He sat at one of the nearby stools, set up next to a tall circular table, and, glancing quickly around to make sure no one was watching or bother to listen, hissed, "_Matt_. What are you _doing_?"

"Just making sure your earrings are working properly," Matt's voice said. "You can hear me, and I can hear you, so it seems like we're good."

"Okay, well _stop talking to me, _unless you want to make me look like a crazy—shit, we've got company."

"Yeah, I see him. Kira incoming at 10'o'clock. You want me to tune out the conversation? I can turn off the walkie-talkie. I'm sure you wouldn't want me to hear you two getting all romantic and—"

Mello swatted at his left earring. "That's enough out of you. Shut up and leave us alone."

"If you insist." He could still hear Matt laughing softly as Yagami walked up to his table. It was very disconcerting, but Mello knew he was only being this aggravating because he was jealous. Matt didn't want Yagami to make any sort of move, which was rather pointless, because if Yagami _did_ make a move then they would have much bigger problems than Matt's jealousy issues.

"Is this seat taken?" Yagami asked with a sweep of his hand, all charm and smile.

"No," Mello said pleasantly, reverting to his very smooth feminine voice. "Not at all."

Yagami slid onto the stool opposite Mello. As far as looks were concerned, completely disregarding personality, Mello actually thought he was quite attractive, but little things such as personality couldn't be disregarded so easily, and with the way he sat and gestured and spoke, he made Mello uneasy. "We didn't get to talk too terribly much at dinner," he said.

"That was alright," Mello said, crossing his legs and taking a sip of his drink. "You're a busy man. I did get to have quite the conversation with your _girlfriend_, though."

"Oh, Misa…" Yagami flashed Mello a knowing smile. "Misa's a little tired. I think I'm going to have Mikami escort her home early."

"Mmm." Mello took another sip of his drink. Of course. If Yagami wanted to get anywhere with him he'd have to get his clingy little girlfriend out of the way first. This was, apparently, more serious than he'd thought. "I _see_," he said meaningfully.

"I just wanted to see if you were enjoying the party, Mel."

Mello didn't even bother to hide his grimace. "Please call me Melanie. I don't…I'm not particularly fond of nicknames. I was Mel when I was a girl, I'm Melanie now." Ha. Utter bullshit. Mello felt particularly proud of his "when I was a girl" bit. A little later, he would realize that this was a rather roundabout way of saying "_only Matt can call me Mel_,_ so piss off, Yagami_."

"Alright then, _Melanie_." The other man's eyes sparkled, and he rested his hand on top of Mello's. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"Yes." The fact that Mello was able to carry on like this without completely losing it was very disconcerting. "A bit more now, actually."

The band struck up a slower song, and they sat there like that for a few minutes, not saying anything. Mello was a little unnerved by the way Yagami seemed to be looking right through his dress, particularly since, were Yagami to see him without his dress, he might be unpleasantly surprised. As for Mello, he was doing the best he could not to gag, and instead decided to focus on the fact that Yagami was physically attractive rather than dwelling on him being Kira, just for the sake of this conversation. The thought that ended up predominating, however, was that Mello had to show _Matt_ that he would be able to handle Kira without having a mental breakdown. And so he would. He'd show Matt.

"You know, I was just wondering if you were married," Yagami said suddenly, softly.

Mello was very confused, until he realized that was an indirect way of asking about the ring he had on the fourth finger of his left hand. "Does it matter if I am?" he replied coyly, and that made Yagami smile. Damn. "I'm not, though. It was…" he started making up some more random bullshit. "It _was_ my engagement ring, but my fiancé was killed in a car accident last year, and I wear the ring to…remind me of him."

"Oh. I'm very sorry," said Yagami, who acted so, but definitely wasn't.

"Don't be," Mello rushed, afraid of playing a card that was too emotional. "I was too young to get married. I needed to live a little more first."

"Well, if you aren't _currently_ engaged, then who are you with this evening?"

"Oh, Martin? Martin's just a friend. _Just a friend_," he repeated, making sure that his earring could pick it up. "I really came this evening because I wanted to see you, Kira." He leaned over the table. "You're so…fascinating. I've always thought so. I've always wanted to meet you."

"And now you've met me," Yagami said, looking, somehow, very handsomely self-absorbed. He stood up. "I'm afraid I've left own my party unattended too long. Why don't you come and dance with the rest of the guests?"

"Oh, I don't know," Mello said. "I think I'd better wait until your girlfriend goes home."

"Point taken." Yagami smiled. "Find me later. Oh, and Melanie?"

"Yes?"

"Call me Light."

"Alright…Light," said Mello, as if he was trying out the sound of the name for the first time and liked it. He did _not_, in fact, like it (Who named their kid Light, anyway?), but what Kira didn't know wouldn't kill him.

_Or, it might,_ Mello thought wryly as he watched Yagami walk away. _You never know._

* * *

_Oh snap. Oh dear. Not getting in a little over your head there, Mels? We'll have to see. XD See you soon!_


	5. Manipulation

_A/N: Early-ish chapter tonight, guys! I have to jet off to a friend's party. So I'll be brief: Kudos to **SistaOSCA****, ****Twisted Artistic Genius****, ****Aisu Isme****, ****MidnightInDecember****, ****Cynical Fox****, ****BlakValentyne-U69****, ****Bluemoon4Sphinx****, ****dull spork**, and anonymous reviewers **Noxie** and **agent m** for reviewing._

_No one got last time's challenge, which was pretty obscure: Misa said "black is this year's pink," which is a line from the musical_ Wicked_. Yep, obscure._

_So, something incredibly easy! Matt mentions a character from _Death Note_ that, in this story, Light purportedly had an affair with. He has an affair with this character canonically as well. What is this character's first name?_

_Oh, speaking of Light, I'm very much aware that he's not actually a manwhore. This fic riffs off of several fanfiction elements (another one of which is incredibly evident in this chapter) and manwhore!Light is one of them. On the other hand, in support of him being a playa, he did canonically juggle Misa and Takada at the same time (and got the whole investigation team to go along with it, too)…out of necessity, of course. And then there was L…I mean, what? (cough)_

_You know, I didn't even originally plan for this chapter to be in the story at all, but something needed to be put between 4 and 6. I rather like it, anyway. Enjoy!_

_D_

* * *

**5 – Manipulation**

Matt had heard every word of the conversation between Yagami and Mello through Mel's handy-dandy wonder earrings. Regrettably, Mello's hair kept getting in the way of the camera, but Matt saw enough of Yagami's face to get the picture. Everything seemed to be going according to plan. At least, Mello hadn't thoughtlessly slaughtered anyone yet. Matt was proud of him.

_Well, proud and…_

At the same time, Matt had been thinking the same thing he had all evening, with greater even alarm. He didn't want Kira looking at Mello, and Mello had seemed perfectly fine with going along with that. He didn't want Kira trying to do anything else, not if Mello would have to go along with _that_ to keep his cover. After all, Kira had no right to _his_—

"Well, hello there," a woman's voice said. "What's your name?"

Matt blinked. Where had _she_ come from? Had he really been that oblivious, staring off into space like that? It would have been impossible not to notice her. This woman was absolutely _beautiful: _tall, leggy, and gorgeously made-up, with wavy brown chestnut hair and, most cliché of all clichés, a red dress. Low-cut, with rhinestones around the neckline. Probably designer. Not really Matt's type of girl (with Mello around, he didn't think he had a "type of girl" anymore) but, generally wound up by the way things were going with Mello, Matt welcomed the distraction.

But first he had to remember what his name was. "Um," he said. It took a moment. "Jones. Martin Jones."

The woman smiled. She had perfect teeth. Hell. Kira sure knew who to invite to a party. "You looked like you had something on your mind. I was wondering if you needed to get it off your chest."

"Ah, well." Matt shrugged, not finding this odd at all. "It's a little complicated. A friend of mine is getting, uh, herself into a very sticky situation."

"Oh, is it the girl you came in with?"

Matt started. "What? You…what?"

The woman tossed her shiny hair over her shoulder. "I'm sorry, it was hard not to notice the pair of you. You because of you hair…I just _love_ red hair, and her because…just the way she was walking around. Like she owned the place."

"Yeah." Matt nodded. "Yeah. H—she tends to do that." _Whoops, almost slipped up there_. He'd have to watch himself.

"She your girlfriend?" the woman asked.

"Oh, uh." Matt shook his head, grinning. "Mel? Nah. She's not my girlfriend."

"Sounds like there's a history there," she said, touching his arm lightly. Her eyes were very, very big and very blue…sort of like Mello's eyes. Her lashes were long and dark and distracting. Matt noticed that she had a slight southern accent. "Talk to me, honey. I'm a good listener."

_I can make something up_, Matt thought, but just as he opened his mouth, Mello stalked towards them, looking like he was about to erupt.

"_There_ you are," he snapped, barely maintaining his female voice. "I've been looking for you _everywhere_ and—what the hell is this?"

"Oh, hello," the woman said, smiling. "You must be Mel. We were just talking about you." She extended her hand. Mello stared at it.

"I _am_ Mel," he said. "Who the hell are you?"

Matt looked at the woman, realizing suddenly that he didn't even know her name yet, and that, before now, that hadn't struck him as strange. The woman seemed utterly unfazed by this. "Mary-Sue," she said in a rich voice.

"That's nice. Sorry if you and my friend were having a good time, but I need to steal him away from you." In Matt's ear, Mello hissed, "_Outside. Now._"

Matt offered Mary-Sue a smile and said, "Sorry about this."

"Oh, that's alright," she said, twirling a lock of hair around one of her long, slender fingers. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Come _on_, Martin." And with that, Matt was practically dragged out of one of the glass doors leading to the patio. For a guy in heels, Mello sure could move quickly when he wanted too, and, boy, was he steamed now.

"What the hell was that, Matt?" he asked, not even bothering to disguise his voice anymore.

"Oh. Well, since you're having your fun with Yagami, I thought I'd find a distraction for myself."

"You don't like brunettes."

The statement was short and sharp and certain and accompanied by a glare, as if Mello were actually saying "You _better_ not like brunettes." It made Matt smile. Oh, how it made him smile. "How would _you_ know what I like, Mel? And what was so urgent that you had to drag me away from her? We were having a nice conversation."

Mello leaned back against the railing and sighed. Matt had never seen him look so tired. It had to be the heels that were dragging him down. "I don't even _remember_…something about that slimeball Kira, but…it doesn't even seem important anymore." Looking away from Matt, he held out his hand. "Chocolate. Now."

Matt reached into his jacket and pulled out a chocolate bar, Mello's third of the night. "Here. Eat it slowly, I'm running low."

Mello took it with a nod of acknowledgement. It was the best Matt could hope for; Mello hardly ever thanked him. The blond kept staring off to the side, off of the patio, which overlooked a golf course. There was a fountain, not too far off, that had been lit up for the night, its streams of water seeming to glow against the dark green hills and the sand pits. And it was a clear night, and calm, the sky punctuated with gleaming stars; Matt liked the way the light and shadows played across Mello's face.

"Hey," he said softly.

Mello turned back to look at him. "Yeah?"

"You're not burnt out, Mel, are you?"

Rolling his eyes, Mello gave a snort of derision. "No. Just taking a break. I mean, we've done harder shit than this before, it's just…dealing with Yagami, its so draining. And we're _so close_, Matt. So close."

"Mmm."

Mello nibbled on the end of his chocolate bar. "I just don't want to fuck it up, you know?" He paused. "But I'll be back on my feet soon enough. You know me. Just do something to piss me off and I'll be back out there, running around again."

"Yeah, I know you. Mello-dramatics."

Mello rolled his eyes again. "See? There we go."

Matt couldn't really think of anything to say to that, because he was too busy thinking of how much he _loved_ Mello right then, for some reason. How he loved him even when he was worn down like this, and quiet, and serious, and even when he was pitching a tantrum, and even, even when he was being an ass. He _loved _him. He really, honest-to-God loved him. Somehow, he'd never quite realized that before. And Matt wanted to break in with a hug or an "I love you" or anything, but nothing seemed quite right, so he swallowed the urge and said instead, "I'm going to go back inside and see what's going on, okay?"

Mello nodded. "Perfect. I'll probably be in soon, too. It's getting too cold out here." He tore down the chocolate bar wrapper a little bit more. "I'm feeling better already. Chocolate makes everything better."

"Yeah. Yeah, it really does."

Matt re-entered the ballroom, suppressing a sigh. _Damn._ That was all there was to be said for that situation. _Damn_. And Yagami was going have to get his hands on Mello again. That was, unfortunately, part of the plan. Well, there was nothing he could do about that besides…be totally unbearable when it happened. That would work.

He didn't have too long to dwell on it, though, because the first thing he heard when he re-entered the ballroom was, "But Misa _isn't_ tired! Misa wants to stay longer!"

Matt darted behind a column and heard Mikami say, "Misa, Light's just looking out for you. He wants to make sure you're getting enough rest." Everything Mikami said, Matt realized, sounded as if it were being repeated verbatim from Yagami. "You're a model, you need your rest so—"

"But _Teru_! Misa doesn't want to sleep! Misa wants to stay here, with Light!"

Matt peeked around the column. Amane was tugging on the sleeve of Mikami's well-pressed dark jacket. It was almost comical, since he was so tall, and she was so tiny, and she seemed to be winning this battle anyway. This had obviously happened before, but perhaps this time was one time too many for Amane. Her devotion to Yagami was incredible to the point of utter stupidity, and she'd chosen this occasion not to back down. How unfortunate.

"What's all this about?"

_Shit_. _Yagami_. Matt scooted out of sight again, listening intently.

"Lord Kira." Mikami's demeanor changed from frantic to fawning in 1.5 seconds. Impressive. "Misa says she doesn't want to go home just yet, and she wants to stay…I did everything I could…"

"No, it's alright." Yagami's tone softened, too, and Matt chanced another glance around a column. Yagami had his hands on Amane's shoulders, and the girl stood looking at him, somehow transfixed. "Misa?"

"Yes, Light?" Misa's voice overflowed with adoration.

"Listen to what Teru says. Go home. I'll be there soon, but you need sleep. Don't you have a photo shoot tomorrow?"

"Yes…I do…"

"Good." Yagami leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "You'll need your rest then. Head to the car, alright?"

Misa's eyes seemed strangely unfocused; her cheeks had turned a little pink. _This isn't romance_, Matt thought. _It's brainwash_. "Okay," she said, and headed towards the exit.

As soon as Misa was out of the picture, Mikami moved in, closer to Yagami. "Well played, Lord Kira," he said.

Light clapped Mikami on the back. "As always, your assistance is greatly appreciated, Teru. I'll have to find some way to…repay you. As always."

"Oh, no, you don't have to…"

_What the hell was this?_ Matt wondered.

"Well, not _now_," said Light, straightening his jacket and quickly finger-combing his hair. "Now I have other business to attend to. See Misa home safely. And, oh—" he raised his voice a little. "Tell our friend Martin he can come out from behind that column."

_Shit_.

Mikami looked confused. "Sir?"

Matt took a step to the right so that they both could see him clearly. "Yes, hello," he said, attempting a casual wave. "Sorry, I walked in right in the middle of your conversation and didn't think it would be a good idea to interrupt." He eyed Yagami with a very justified degree of suspicion. "It sounded important."

"Oh, well, you know how it is with us politicians," Yagami said, waving his hand somewhat noncommittally in the air. "Everything's important. But as long as everyone keeps their _mouths_ shut, there's no harm done. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I need to find." He turned on his heel and left Matt and Mikami staring after him, gawking.

Matt's fist clenched in his pocket, because of _course_ Yagami was walking off to find _Mello_, and Matt couldn't do anything about it. Instead, he turned to Mikami. "So, just tell me something, between the two of us, man-to-man," he said, his tone a little too cold. "Out of curiosity, how many of Kira's affairs have you helped cover up? Because I know about the one with that Takada girl awhile back, but I'm sure there must be plenty that don't make it out into the open."

That question seemed to snap Mikami out of…whatever he had been thinking about. Matt had no idea, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. "What Kira chooses to do is Kira's business and not yours. I'm sure we can trust you to keep quiet, Mr. Jones."

Matt zipped his lips. "Mum's the word," he said, "But—"

"Marty!" exclaimed a familiar someone. "There you are! I was looking for you!"

Matt turned around, and, surely enough, there was Mary-Sue from before, looking just about as gorgeous as ever. She walked up to both of them and seized Matt's arm. "Sorry, Mr. Mikami, may I steal him away from you?"

Mikami's default serious facial expression had kicked in again by then. "Of course."

"Great. Walk this way," she said, not giving Matt much of a choice. "I was just thinking about getting a drink. Would you like one?"

Matt glanced back in the direction Yagami had gone off in. "A drink," he said, "would be just what I need right now."

* * *

_Oh no! I almost went all serious on you guys for a second in there! With Matt and Mello being all adorably cute and stuff. But never fear, Misa is here! For comic relief, that is. Light really does know how to work his women._

_Speaking of women, how about that Mary-Sue, eh? She's not technically a MarySue, as in, the guys don't go all "Huh guh bluh OoC" on us, but physically? Aw yeah. You'll see a little bit more of her later._

_Ciao for now! See you Sunday!_


	6. Much Ado

_A/N: Sunday's here! And you know what that means, right? A new chapter! Thanks to** Twisted Artistic Genius, Aisu Isme, MidnightInDecember, Saigocage, BlakValentyne-U69, Bluemoon4Sphinx, **and **dull spork** for reviewing._

_**Twisted Artistic Genius** was the first person to get last chapter's challenge, although a lot of people did get it right. The answer was Kiyomi. Yay TAG! You get a cookie._

_This chapter's challenge: Matt says a famous line from the movie _Tootsie_, which is an Oscar-winning phenomenal cross-dressing film starring Dustin Hoffman. I laughed, I cried, I bit my nails. See it if you haven't. Anyway, what is this line? It's very short._

_Or, the other challenge: This chapter's title references which Shakespearean play?_

_**Bluemoon4Sphinx** also gets props for noticing that something is up with Mikami! Yay. You have to wait a couple of chapters to find out exactly what, though. Glad everyone liked the little Matt/Mello fluff, and Mary-Sue. She's something, isn't she?_

_You have some more interesting things happening in this chapter. And by interesting, I mean…you'll see. Have fun!_

_D_

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6 – Much Ado

Mello did not, in fact, go inside. He was still standing out on the patio, leaning against the stone railing, thinking about particularly fun ways to kill Light Yagami. The most obvious one was taking one of his high heels off and stabbing Yagami with it repeatedly, as that would ruin both Yagami and the damned shoes. Or maybe he should strap him to the wall—the one with the giant picture of his face on it—and blow both the picture and him to smithereens. Or maybe something involving castration…

He was just going to end up shooting Yagami, which Mello found a little disappointing. After everything that he'd been through tonight, he thought he was entitled to a little extra fun.

The most difficult thing now would be getting Yagami alone. Which didn't actually seem like much of a problem, the way he had been acting around Mello all night. Mello just didn't want to have to do something he'd later regret.

"There you are," Yagami said, appearing in the doorway. He leaned on the frame in a pose that was obviously calculated _just so_ to make his hair catch the light a certain way. He thought he was just _so_ sexy, and he barely tried to hide it.

Mello could easily pull a gun on him now, but—no wait, there were people standing right behind him. Damn. He smiled slightly and said, "Here I am. Were you looking for me?"

"I was." If Yagami would come outside, onto the patio, this would be much easier. But he wouldn't. "Don't you want to come inside? It's much warmer inside."

Mello hesitated.

"Misa's gone," Yagami added.

"Oh." Mello smiled. "In _that_ case, I'd love to."

Yagami straightened and offered his arm, and Mello took it, resting both of his hands lightly on the fabric of the other man's jacket. "You don't think some of your guests will find it odd?" he asked. "I mean, the minute your girlfriend leaves you come in with another, um, woman hanging on your arm."

"It's nothing that most of them haven't seen before," Yagami said, and Mello knew he was being completely honest. "And they won't mention it later, if that's what you're worried about. It doesn't matter to them so long as I continue acting as—well, as Kira does. Being a leader, to them and everyone." He paused. "You look stunning, by the way."

"Thank you," said Mello, attempting his best blush, and failing. "So do you."

The first thing that Mello did when they entered the ballroom was to glance around quickly for Matt. He didn't see him, and that bothered him a little. Where could he be? Was he watching? Well, if he _was_ watching, then Mello would have to put on a good show. Hell, he'd have to put on a good show _anyway_. With any luck, he'd only have to deal with Kira a little longer.

The band was playing slower songs, now, since it was a little bit later, and Yagami led Mello out into the middle of the dance floor. Mello was amazed that Yagami was right: hardly anyone seemed to be batting an eye at the fact that he wasn't with Amane anymore. Although, some of the girls did look jealous that Yagami had chosen Mello over them. Mello shot them a smirk.

"So," said Yagami.

"So," Mello echoed, draping his arms around Yagami's shoulders, and feeling Yagami's hands settle around his waist. They were still a reasonable distance apart. He wondered how long _that_ would last. Yagami better not try anything frisky with those hands. Where was Matt? Shouldn't he be watching this?

Oh, yes, there he was. Standing by the wall with that chesty bimbo he'd picked up somewhere, Mary-whatever. What a whore, moving in on Matt as soon as Mello was out of the picture. The two of them were laughing about…something, and Mello wondered vaguely how much they'd had to drink. Drinks had that affect on people, generally loosening them up. He didn't feel nearly as disgusted about dancing with Yagami as he had before he'd headed to the bar, and he'd stayed there after Yagami left him to get something else to drink, just for comfort.

But then, Matt turned and saw Mello dancing with Kira. And after staring for a couple of seconds, trying to decide exactly how to arrange his face, he went for the obnoxious approach and winked very unsubtly. _Oh, classy, Matty. Real classy_._ Tell that slut of yours to put some clothes on._

"Hey," Yagami said.

Mello stopped looking at Matt, and realized belatedly and with some horror that he'd almost stepped on Yagami's foot. Damn Matt. His fault for being a distraction. "Sorry," Mello said softly. "I wasn't paying attention. I was just…thinking."

"Thinking? About what?"

Time to bullshit. "Thinking about…" _Something, anything_. "How gorgeous you are," Mello finished lamely, pulling a little closer to Yagami. "How lucky _I_ am, to be the one dancing with you, the…the most powerful man in the world."

Yagami laughed. "You're not lucky. You were strategic. You were working on getting to me the entire night, and I noticed. And I like that sort of forethought in a girl. It means that there's a little bit of brain in her head, something behind those beautiful blue eyes."

_Beautiful blue eyes? Gag me. _"Was Misa strategic?" Mello asked, immediately wanting to smack himself on the forehead. You _don't_ as questions about someone's girlfriend when you're trying to seduce them, it reminds them of their commitments. Mello hoped that it would have the exact opposite affect on Yagami.

And it did. He laughed. "Misa? No, Misa was like a freight train. She came at me without giving me much of a choice." The music changed again. Still a slow song, dammit. Yagami pressed Mello to him. "And that's why I need you, Melanie," he said, softly, just in Mello's ear. "You can help me escape from her, if only for a little while."

"Mmm." Mello wanted to _throw up_ at that, but instead he closed his eyes and settled his head on Yagami's shoulder. Well, at least Yagami was keeping his hands on Mello's waist, and not going anywhere else. That was…

Oh, wait. Too late. Mello barely resisted the overpowering urge to smack him.

"You _slut_," said Matt's voice in his left ear.

Mello raised his head. Matt had somehow broken away from Chesty Bimbo and was talking on his cell phone in the corner. When he saw Mello looking, he waved. Mello glared.

"Oh, go on and glare at me, Mel. I'm serious, though," Matt continued via the earring, smiling at Mello. "You're an absolute whore. Maybe even more of a whore than Yagami is. Are you enjoying this?"

"Shut _up_," Mello said, and then remembered, too late, that Matt wasn't actually there.

Yagami pulled back a little and looked at him quizzically. "I didn't…say anything."

"Oh, no, not you, it's my friend," Mello rushed. "He's standing there in the corner mouthing things at me, and I was trying to mouth back and got a little carried away." He leaned into Yagami again. "Keep not saying anything, _Light_. I like that."

"Mmm." Light's hands settled on him again. "You know," he whispered, his breath hot on Mello's ear. "I sent Misa home. I could send your friend home, if he's being too distracting."

"That…um, that won't be necessary. He's just being _jealous_ and _immature_." Mello emphasized the words so that Matt could hear them, loudly and clearly. "I can ignore him."

"Alright."

Matt spoke up again. "He better hurry up and kiss you already. I'm getting pretty bored over here just watching you dance." Mello, determined not to give Matt the satisfaction of another reaction (and knowing that he was asking for the opposite of what he wanted), turned his head and whispered in Yagami's ear instead. His right earring, the camera, which had been loose all night, fell to the floor. Well, it served Matt right. Mello couldn't worry about it. This was so close to being over for good that it probably didn't matter.

After another minute or so, Mello noticed that Yagami was slowly leading them away from the crowd, to a corner behind a column where there were no security guards. Great. That was just what he needed. By the time anyone found Yagami's body, Mello would be long gone. _Hasta la vista, Kira,_ he thought. _It's been fun._

His gun was strapped about mid-thigh, just where the slit in the dress began, where he could reach it easily and where it would be concealed by the flowing fabric. If he had the opportunity he'd whip it out and—_bam_! No more Kira.

Yagami stopped. They were now completely out of sight. "We're alone," he said.

_Okay, okay, calm. Act naturally. No need to get ahead of yourself. Just a few more seconds,_ Mello thought, tensing with apprehension. "Light," he breathed, hoping that it sounded convincing enough. _A few more seconds…just a few…_

Yagami lightly touched the side of Mello's. "Relax," he said, drawing a little closer. "You're so tense. Just…"

He leaned in to kiss Mello, who realized that this was the right moment and started to reach for his gun—only to then realize that Yagami was holding both of his hands in one of his own. But he was going to let him go, of course, he had to, and then Mello would—

Oh, God_dammit_. Suffer being kissed by Kira, apparently.

And it wasn't as if Yagami wasn't _good_ at this sort of thing—because he was, he was experienced, he'd done it zillions of times before with many different women who had all enjoyed themselves very, very much—but Mello was _not_ going to suffer this, he wasn't—dammit, he _was_ going along with it, wasn't he? He blamed the persona, the two drinks, and the three chocolate bars he'd had. What he should logically do was kick Yagami right now, and then whip out his gun and blow the other man's brains out, but he suddenly found himself paralyzed out of abject horror and a seeping numbness in his brain.

Yagami drew back. Not far, but back. And he was _still holding Mello's hands. _"Mmn," he said. "Do you know…do you know what you taste like?"

"What?" Mello asked, far too preoccupied with trying to free his hands and contemplating what the years of therapy were going to cost to find this question odd in the slightest.

"Chocolate," Yagami said.

And Mello felt something cool around his wrists and heard a soft metallic clink. He looked down and saw, to his surprise, that he had been handcuffed. He looked back up, not fully processing what had just happened. Yagami smirked manically.

"Caught you, Mello," he said. "Just as planned."

_Shit_.

* * *

_...What?_

_Wait, WHAT?! What just happened? Everything was going so well!_

_Well, Light sure as hell didn't figure out Mello was Mello by kissing him, but you have to wait to find out how, exactly, he knew it. And did that bit up there count as Light/Mello? Ew ew EW._

_Oh well. Reviews appreciated. That way you get to find out what happens sooner._


	7. The Name's Bond

_A/N: I have an essay tonight that will be the death of me, so this chapter's going up now so I won't have to bother with it later._

_Seems y'all were pretty scandalized by the conclusion of that last chapter. I have to admit I was too, when I first wrote it. Thanks to **dull spork, MiaoShou, MidnightInDecember, Noxie, Twisted Artistic Genius, lul wut?,**_ _**CelestialAngel, flamablechoklit, Bluemoon4Sphinx, WithABunny, **and **Aisu Isme **for your reviews!_

_**WithABunny** won the number two chapter challenge for last week: the play was _Much Ado about Nothing. _No one got the other challenge. The line from Tootsie was "You slut." Heh. I guess that could be a line from a lot of other things, too. Anyway, Tootsie is an excellent movie which you should all see. On that note, Sydney Pollack, its director, just passed away, so I'm going to take a moment to sob. -sobs-_

_This chapter's challenge is a silly one: Which word does Matt use in this chapter (it isn't inappropriate or anything, just goofy and really, really dorky) which you should never, ever use in conversation?_

_I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's got some pretty crazy stuff. And by crazy I don't mean "Light kissing Mello." Euch. Springing that on you guys once was difficult enough. I mean some crazy gadgets and martial arts._

_Although if you like crazy, I posted a fic involving B and Light, (called Haunted) so if you like them, feel free to take a look. (end shameless self promotion)_

_Ta!_

_D_

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7 – The Name's Bond

When Mello dropped the camera earring, Matt didn't think it was too much of a big deal. He'd still be able to hear everything that went on between Mello and Kira, and it looked as if the evening was going to be over soon.

When Mello got captured, Matt began to panic a little.

He forced himself to outwardly remain calm while running over his options. If he ran to where Yagami had taken Mello, chances were they wouldn't be there anymore. He might be able to find them, though. If there was a door…or _anything_…Who _knew _what Yagami would do to Mello now? The more time he wasted—

He had to try. As he started towards the corner where he'd last seen Yagami go, he felt someone's hand on his sleeve and turned around.

"Hiya, stranger," said Mary-Sue, looking and sounding a little tipsy. "Where you heading off to so fast?"

"Umm…" Matt thought of something which sounded reasonable. "Bathroom. I'll be back…don't wait up…"

He ran off towards the corner, ignoring Mary-Sue, who was calling "But the bathrooms are the other way, Marty!" and staggering a few steps after him. Okay, fine. So the bathrooms were the other way. It wasn't as if he planned on ever seeing her again, anyway. Let her think what she wanted.

He shook her off easily, and then ran again towards that corner. Turning around the column, he saw just what he was looking for: a door. He jiggled the handle—it wasn't locked. Cautiously, he opened it.

Matt found himself staring down a long hallway with many, many different doors. _Shit_. No reason to panic, though. He had prepared just for a situation like this.

He drew his sunglasses out of his breast pocket. If Mello could see him now, he'd probably laugh at him. _Sunglasses indoors, Matt? What the hell?_ But the truth of it was, the sunglasses were a substitute for his goggles, and even Mello didn't know Matt's real reason for wearing those goggles. He'd modified them a couple of years ago, installing a super-smart computer chip, complete with GPS and a targeting device many other useful features. When he looked through the lenses, he could, by pressing tiny buttons on the side, access almost any information he wanted, play online games, check Facebook, even. And since the goggles were much too informal for a party like this, he'd transferred the chip to his sunglasses.

Putting them on, he pressed a miniscule black button on the side. The computer instantly drew up the floor plan of the building. Most of the doors in this hallway, it showed, opened up to small conference rooms, but the one on the end led to another hallway. Matt pushed another button and the diagram disappeared. Mello's GPS tracker had been in the right earring—the one which had fallen off—but it was pretty safe to say that since this hallway was deserted, Yagami and Mello probably weren't in there. Yagami would be smart enough to post some security in case Matt tried to break in.

He ran to the end of the hallway, turned the knob on the door, started to run through the new hallway, and suddenly stopped in his tracks.

In the middle of the hallway stood Mary-Sue, her hands on her hips.

"I though you were looking for the bathroom," she said, much more sober, and Matt realized that she had never actually been drunk at all. "But now I find that you're running off after some other girl." She took a step toward him. "How is that supposed to make me feel, Matty? How?"

"Um," Matt said, momentarily stunned. "How'd you get back here so quickly? I didn't want you to…did you just call me _Matty_?"

"Yes, I did." She stepped forward again. "It's your name, isn't it, _Matt_? If you're looking for Mello, you've still got awhile to go before you see her—oh, wait." She put a finger to her lips. "_Him_, isn't it? I'm supposed to make sure you don't get to him."

"Oh, hell no." Matt took a step backwards, pressing another button on the side of his glasses. "You were working for him the entire time, weren't you? For Kira?"

Mary-Sue smiled. "Bingo, cutie. And he doesn't want you getting to your little blond boyfriend anytime soon."

"Err. In my defense, he's not actually my…" She was coming closer. _Dammit_. He knew he should have brought a real gun with him. He only had a stun gun; Mello had the real thing because he was the only one who would need to actually shoot someone. Now, if he could just get it out without provoking her. _She _couldn't have a gun. It would be impossible. In that dress? "Look, I'm sorry for abandoning you. I'll make it up to you some other time."

"Oh, sorry, honey," Mary-Sue said. "There won't be a next time. You made a big mistake."

_Slowly_…his hand was in his jacket, he could almost feel the gun… "What's that?" he asked.

She kicked off her shoes and charged towards him. "You don't ditch a girl who's a fourth-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do."

_DUCK_, his glasses flashed, so he ducked, just in time to avoid a crescent kick to the head.

_GO RIGHT._ He darted to the right, momentarily out of range. _Knew these things would come in handy someday,_ he thought. Let Mello laugh. Right now, his sunglasses were the only things keeping him safe from a martial arts mistress with an attitude.

_JUMP_, and he jumped to avoid a low kick which would have knocked him off his feet. She aimed a couple of punches, but with a _BLOCK LEFT, BLOCK RIGHT_ he managed to avoid them. She kept coming at him, seeming a little more impressed each time he avoided her. Thank God for technology.

"You're better than I thought," she said, as he dodged an uppercut.

"It's part of the job description," he replied, trying his hand at throwing a punch, which she blocked easily. Of course. He wasn't that strong on his _own_. He should know better than to try. _JUMP LEFT_. "Everyone thinks Mello gets to have all the fun, being generally badass, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve, too."

"Does 'being generally badass' mean strutting around in high-heels?" Mary-Sue asked, feeling snarky.

"Oh, no," Matt said, strategically ducking again, this time to avoid a tornado kick. "You just—caught him on a bad day. I mean, you _must_ have heard about all of those corrupt politicians who were assassinated?" _BLOCK_. "Totally Mello."

"Wouldn't know it by looking at him."

"Chose the wrong day to look at him, then."

Mary-Sue smiled, and Matt's glasses saw an opening. _GRAB WRIST_, they said, and Matt grabbed her wrist as she was pulling back from a punch. _NOW FLIP OVER_, they flashed. _Flip over? How the hell…?_ _FLIP _HER_ OVER_.

Matt tried. He'd never actually done something like that before, but he'd seen Mello do it, so Matt copied him and was surprised at how well it worked. Mary-Sue went flying, landing with a thunk on the cold stone floor. Matt finally drew his gun and pointed it at her. He couldn't kill her, but she didn't know that. She rubbed her head, dazed.

"What…?" she asked. "How…?"

"The name's Bond," Matt said, even though it wasn't. "Matt Bond. And you just got pwned."

He shot her, and she lay still.

"Woah." Matt had never done anything quite like _that_ before. _That_ was Mello's job. He felt utterly exhausted, and leaned back against a column to catch his breath. It looked so much simpler in movies. Boy, was he going to be sore tomorrow.

No. He had to find Mello. He had been wasting too much time. Drawing a deep breath, he switched the mode on his glasses and took off running again.

He must have sprinted through five or six hallways before he saw them. Security guards. And a hell of a lot of them, eight or ten. Matt was willing to bet they weren't just here on their coffee break.

He was right. They were all standing around one door, on the alert for intruders. Matt hid behind a column and looked out cautiously. After a minute or so, the door opened, and the guards shuffled aside to allow…_Yagami_ to step out into the middle of the hallway. Matt gritted his teeth. Mello must be inside.

Yagami then did something very curious. He pulled the knob on the side of his very expensive-looking watch four times, and then leaned over and spoke into it. "Yes, yes, I've apprehended him."

He held the watch to his ear and listened. _Huh, walkie-talkie watch_, Matt thought. _I'll have to remember that one_.

"No, Teru, that won't be necessary." Yagami smirked. "I think I can handle him myself. I'd like to have a little talk with him." He listened again. "Alright. Come as soon as you can. The other one's still on the loose."

He pressed the same knob on his watch, nodded to the guards, and retreated back into the room. The guards fell into formation behind him.

Well, _shit_. Now what was Matt going to do? He leaned back against the column and tried to think. Even with his glasses, he couldn't take on ten well-trained security guards; he'd be no use to anyone if he was dead. He and Mello together might have been able to, but Mello was in there, and Matt was out here, and he had no backup…

Oh, wait. Yes, he did.

Matt had kept a certain number on his cell phone, just in case. Mello was going to kill him for calling, but…it would save both of their sorry asses. He dialed the number and held the phone to his ear.

"Hello," he said softly. "Yeah, it's me, M2. I know it's been awhile, but listen. M and I went to Kira's party tonight, to…you know, but there have been some complications and M's been—" He stopped and listened. "You thought we'd try something like that? Really?" He listened again. "95 percent, huh? That high? Well, look. Kira's cornered right now, and we could get to him really easily if you'd bring us some backup. Yeah, I know M wouldn't be able to kill him with you guys around, but right now the most important thing to me is getting him out of there." He listened to the response. "You knew that, too? Okay. And you're right nearby. Yeah. You can track my location through the GPS. Alright. See you then. I'll wait."

He hung up, and, anxiously, waited.

* * *

_What? Who's coming? And WHY DON'T WE FIND OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING TO MELLO?_

_Oops._

_Also, I fully support James Bond!Matt. Completely. Computer nerds ftw._

_See you Friday!_


	8. Impractical Heels

_A/N: Adfgjsklhjsdkflgh author's note! I was so exhausted that I came home after school and promptly fell asleep for four hours, no lie. Which is why this chapter isn't up earlier. Sorry guys._

_Anyway, REALLY BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: this is the second-to-last chapter. How can I say that with such certainty? Because the last chapter is already written. So make sure to be here Sunday night to catch it. This is not a drill._

_Reviews! Thank you so much to _**_NothingFromNowhereImNoOneAtAll, Twisted Artistic Genius, Matt'sUke, MidnightInDecember, Noxie, MiaoShou, agent m, flamablechoklit, Bluemoon4Sphinx, recipe for insanity, Nikki, Le'letha, dull_ _spork, Aisu Isme, _**_and **WithABunny** for your reviews._

_**WithABunny **won the chapter challenge, again! You should never use the word pwned. Ever. Ever. Unless you're cool like Matt (**flamablechoklit** and **NothingFromNowhere**, as well as the rest of you readers who use the word are the only ones who are cool like Matt). And I hang out with robotics boys, so they use it a lot. For the record, **MiaoShou**, it's pronounced like "owned" with a "p" at the front. Don't ask me how that works. :)_

_This time's challenge: A cop-out. What is the actual occupation of Kira's "Secretary of Information" canonically?_

_WARNING: Mello uses an awful word in this chapter. He's angry. I really don't condone his language. DON'T USE THIS WORD. Also, he gets major irony points for it._

_Questions are actually answered in this chapter! Enjoy it! I love you all!_

_D_

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8 – Impractical Heels

Inside the room, Mello felt that this was one of his all-time lows.

Yagami had left, but he would be back soon. Although Mello had managed to step on his feet (in spike heels, no less) several times while being dragged down the hallways, he hadn't managed to break free, and was, instead, sitting in a rather small room with bleak white walls, his hands still handcuffed in his lap and the rest of him tied to an uncomfortable wooden chair. His legs were free, but he couldn't really do much with them, and he'd been gagged, but, given the fact that he was still very much alive, that would probably change. After all, Yagami was bound to want him to answer some questions.

Mello wasn't sure who would have more questions, him or Yagami. Dammit, this wasn't supposed to have ended _up_ like this! The plan was so farfetched but so, _so_, foolproof, and it had almost worked. How had Yagami known that it was him? And where was Matt? And what were they going to _do_?

Well, Mello was probably going to die. That much was certain. He was somehow prepared to face that. He hoped that Matt had gotten away, at least, but knowing him, he was still hanging around somewhere, trying to think of some way to get Mello out. Mello felt ironic laughter bubble up in his throat. _The damn fool_, he would die for Mello any day without batting an eye. And Mello…well, right now, Mello would give anything to have Matt just leave him and go somewhere safe. _Damn fool_. Being so selfless. He probably didn't know that Mello very nearly loved him.

And he wouldn't know. Because Mello was going to get killed, and he was ready for it. Even if he was wearing a dress and impractical heels.

_If you have to go, go with style_, he thought bitterly, and then the door opened.

"Sorry," said Yagami, with a wicked grin. "I'm not being a very good date, am I? Leaving you alone in a room by yourself. Not very polite of me."

Mello rolled his eyes. This guy was going to be the death of him in more ways than one.

"Oh, but I hate it when I do all the talking." Yagami walked over to Mello, crouched down, and untied his gag. "That any better?"

Mello spat right in his face.

Yagami wiped his face with the back of his hand and stood. "I liked you better as a girl," he said. "You had manners. Decency."

"Spare me the bullshit, Yagami," Mello snapped. "How the _hell_ did you know it was me in that dress?"

"I thought I was the one asking the questions."

"Too bad. I want an explanation."

Yagami loosened his tie, then put his hands in his pockets and smiled. "Well, since you asked so politely…" He shrugged. "The guest list. Your friend hacked it to add your aliases. I had gone over that list the day before with Mikami, and he was double-checking it when he noticed your names." Yagami paused, and Mello vaguely remembered Mikami having mentioned seeing their names on the guest list. _Damn_. "It's a good thing he's always so thorough. Naturally, he notified me that we mysteriously had two extra guests, and I knew it had to be you."

"Why _us_? Why not the rebellion?"

"The rebellion?" Yagami repeated incredulously. "That group of _fools, _who sit around with their theories and statistics and never do anything? You know L and N, and that's not their style. You, however…you'd love to take me on one-on-one, _you_ would masquerade as someone else and go to my party, _Melanie_." He laughed, a clear laugh with a maniacal edge. "I was so looking forward to meeting you, after what you did to poor Demegawa last week."

"Hitoshi Demegawa was a crook," Mello said. "He abused his power like you abuse yours."

"I'm not sure my Secretary of Information—"

"Secretary of _Propaganda_," Mello interjected fiercely.

"It's all the same," Yagami continued, waving off Mello's comment. "The wording is unimportant. You're either a resistance fighter or a terrorist, and I'm a great political leader…" He smiled. "Or a crook. Demegawa wouldn't have enjoyed being called a crook, and I don't enjoy it much, either." Yagami stopped and looked at Mello properly. "I must say, that dress is very flattering on you."

"Shut _up_," Mello said, turning his head away.

Yagami sat in a chair across from Mello and crossed his legs. His mouth twisted into a sneer. "We're very much alike, you know," he said. "Both so willing to go to extreme lengths to get what we want. You just happen to be prettier than me."

"Shut _up_, Yagami," Mello growled again, glaring, straining against his bindings. "I am _nothing_ like you."

"I admire your stubbornness," Yagami said. "But you are wrong. We are very much alike. I just happen to have a little more restraint." He blinked. "Why do you oppose me so strongly?" he asked suddenly. "What could possibly have motivated you to go this far?"

"I don't think its right for one man to have so much power," Mello grunted, still locked in a losing battle with the ropes. "You think you own the world, but you're nothing better than a tyrant, Yagami. And you know that."

Yagami laughed lightly. "A tyrant? It's been awhile since I've last heard that." He stood, and began to pace. "How can you honestly say that? What I've done to the world has been for its own good. Under my rule, crime has dropped 70 percent worldwide. Global wars have ceased. There's no reason for them anymore, Mello. When a country—no, not country—when a region of this new world has an issue, it approaches me, and we solve it. For…everyone's benefit. I guarantee that the all parties involved walk away satisfied without a single shot being fired. This world, _my_ world, is a better place. Now, you might say that I'm a tyrant because I was not _elected_ to my position, but you have to understand that…"

Mello began to tune him out. Yagami was clearly just talking to hear his own voice now. He stared at a scintillating patch of wall behind Yagami's head. At least he knew that Yagami didn't have Matt. If he did, he would have mentioned it already. He liked bragging, evidently, since he was still talking, and that would have been one more thing to hang over Mello's head.

"And as for the global economy…" Yagami continued, and Mello knew he had awhile yet to go.

"Psst, Mel!" said a tiny voice in Mello's left ear, and he started. Of _course_. He still had his left earring. Matt could still talk to him. Matt was safe. Thank God.

"Don't answer too loudly. Are you okay? Is Yagami evil monologue-ing at you right now?"

"Mhm." Mello nodded as he said this, as if he were remotely following what Yagami was saying.

"Okay, good. In a few minutes we're going out bust in there and get you out, and capture Yagami in the process."

_We? Who's 'we?'_ Mello wondered, but he could only say "Mmm."

"Look, I know you'll be tempted, but you won't be able to shoot him. It's one of the conditions. You have to promise me."

_What fucking conditions?!_ "Hmm," Mello said noncommittally.

"I'll take that as a yes." The connection crackled with static, and then Matt said, "Hey, Mels?"

"Mmn?"

A pause, then he heard, "Be careful. Stall Yagami for a few minutes. Just a few. Can you do that?"

"Mhm."

"Good. I l—" Matt stopped, as if he'd been about to say something else. "Good. Be careful."

Mello heard a click as Matt disconnected, and that was when he remembered the ring.

Of course! Hadn't Matt given him that golden ring just for this sort of emergency? A switch on the bottom that would activate a laser…the man was a genius. Mello glanced up at Yagami—going on about he had helped save the dolphins or some such thing—and then back down, trying to maneuver his hands so he could reach the switch without accidentally hurting himself. Just…a little…closer…got it! The tiny red beam shone out of the front of the ring and burned through a few of the ropes binding Mello to the chair. Yes! He was free! Well, practically. He still had the handcuffs, but that would be easy to cut with—

"What was that?" Yagami asked suddenly, eyeing Mello suspiciously.

_Shit_. Mello switched off the laser. He'd have to act normally; otherwise, the guards would come in and it would be over for all of them. Just a few minutes. "Nothing," he said innocently. "Please, go on."

"No, no, I was just about finished," Yagami said. "Do you see now?"

"Mmm."

Yagami ran a hand through his hair. "That's a pity. It's a shame that things turned out the way they did. I was actually enjoying my time with you tonight." He flashed Mello a brilliant smile. "But, in the end, it all comes down to type. And you're not really my type."

"What?" Mello asked, almost sarcastically. "You mean, 'male?'"

"Actually," Yagami said smoothly, "I meant, 'blond.' I like brunettes."

"Oh, I guess when you're as high ranking as _you_ are, Kira, you don't have to be picky about gender." Mello paused. "Ah, wait. Dark hair…is that what the deal is with Mikami? I thought he seemed a little weird around you."

"Well, since I'm going to be killing you off anyway…" Yagami smiled. "I don't really need to deny anything. Mikami is useful, that's all I will say."

"I should have known you were a faggot," Mello shot. "You did kiss me knowing exactly who I was."

"Oh, Mello." Yagami shook his head. "That was perhaps one of the most ironic statements I have ever heard. Don't forget which one of us is wearing the dress, and which one is wearing the pants." Mello glared. "And as for kissing you…well, I'm a decent actor. I can manage. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to attend to, and I believe you're late for your execution."

Yagami began to turn away, and Mello felt a sudden jolt of alarm race through him. No. Matt said he'd be coming. This was too soon. "No, wait!" he called suddenly, and when Yagami turned back around, he wondered what the hell he was going to say.

"Yes?"

"Um, well…" Mello began, unsure of how he was going to finish. "I wanted…to say something before, when you were giving your speech, but…I thought you wouldn't believe me."

Yagami took a step back towards Mello and crossed his arms. "Try me."

"Well, you know…" Mello faked a smile. "I thought you were absolutely gorgeous when you were trying to convince me that you were in the right, and…" He tossed his hair over his shoulder with a shake of his head. "I really _don't_ have the right to be calling anyone a faggot."

Yagami took another step forward. He was curious. This was working. "You're just trying to get me to spare you," he said.

"No, that's not it…that's not it at all." Mello's voice was almost a whisper now, and Yagami had to practically lean over him to hear him speak. Okay, so this was one way of doing things. Not exactly the way he usually would have chosen, but now that he knew Yagami wasn't exactly as straight as a line, all of the rules were out the window. "I think that you're one of…one of the sexiest men I've ever met. And, I'd hoped…you weren't acting when you kissed me."

_Lying._ Lying through his _teeth_. Yagami was eating it up, though. _Who was the actor _now? "Really?"

"Yes," Mello said, thinking, _hell no, hell no_. He heard something outside the doorway that sounded like a struggle, but he ignored it. He had to concentrate. "And…"

"And…?"

"And…even if you're going to kill me…I want you…"

"Tell me," Yagami whispered. "Tell me just _what_ you want me to do." He was so close to Mello now, and Mello heard a clang and a grunt outside the door. That sounded good. But. _Concentrate_.

"I want you…to…"

"Want me to what?"

_BANG._ The door crashed open. Yagami whipped his head around, and that was when Mello kneed him right between the legs.

As he collapsed, Mello stood, shrugged off the ropes, and, still handcuffed, withdrew his pistol from where he had been hiding it all night, and pointed it right at Light Yagami's head.

"I want you to die, Kira," Mello said, loudly and clearly. "I want you to die a slow and painful death." He smiled.

_Praise the Lord, and pass the ammunition_.

* * *

_BAM. YES. FINALLY._

_Also, I don't actually ship Light/everyone. Mikami's in there because, in this fic, Light happens to be a manwhore. Just a leetle. Also, Light likes dark hair. What is being hinted at? It is a mystery._

_Say...to make sense of something, I'll also add down here that if L and Near did show up, they'd have, like, their little rebellion with them. So they'd be a help. If B showed up, everyone would get killed! Yay!_

_Tune in SUNDAY for the next installment!_


	9. Viva la Resistance!

_A/N: LAST CHAPTER LAST CHAPTER. Do you guys know that I haven't finished a long story like this since the second grade? Seriously._

_Thankses are in order: to all of my reviewers, including those who reviewed this last chapter, namely **ospreyed, flamablechoklit, judykickshiney, recipe for insanity, Empress of Misfits **(well, she reviewed in the time frame of the last chapter)**, Varu-chan, MiaoShou, Nikki, BishieLuver01, Reilasaur, critical-blow, Cynical Fox, Saigocage, Twisted Artistic Genius, **and **Aisu Isme**. Thanks also to my TWO lovely betas, Lena and Amy, who laughed (sometimes loudly, and in the middle of chemistry), cried, and pointed out spelling errors._

_**Twisted Artistic Genius **won last chapter's challenge: Demegawa was the producer of the Sakura TV station canonically. No challenge for this one, because IT IS THE LAST CHAPTER. OMG._

_Keep on the lookout for me, though, I won't be gone. If you like B (he is, sadly, not in this story), I have my B-involving story, _Haunted_, and another AU, more serious, on the way, which will probably be called something like _Friendly Fire. _Keep an eye out!_

_This story has had a fantastic run and I LOVE YOU GUYS._

_Love forever,_

_D_

* * *

**9 – Viva la Resistance!**

The first thing Matt saw when he broke into the room was Mello, handcuffed, standing over Light Yagami (who appeared to be in a good deal pain), and pointing a gun at his head. And Mello was smiling. And Mello looked disheveled, and exhausted, and absolutely gorgeous. Matt stopped in his tracks, because he was suddenly overcome with several different types of relief, none of which could be properly put into words. He felt, above all, that all of this craziness was finally over.

Mello looked up and saw him and the smile became something that was not a smile. Not to say that it faded, it just, inexplicably, changed. "Matt?" Mello asked. "Is that you?"

"Yeah," said Matt, suddenly conscious of how exhausted and disheveled _he_ must look. "Yeah, it's me. You look good, Princess."

Mello dropped the gun and ran at him, and Matt suddenly, despite everything, feared for his life. He had, after all, called Mello "Princess." But Mello did something very strange, right then, and it didn't involve mutliation. He almost _jumped_ on Matt, who, stunned, somehow retained enough of his coordination to catch him. How Mello managed to get his arms around Matt's neck with the handcuffs on Matt never found out.

"I _told_ you never to call me Princess," Mello said, and kissed him.

At first, Matt was much too astonished to do anything, but soon he remembered how to use his mouth and his limbs again and then he felt much, much better then he had in a very long time. And then his brain kicked in, but he was way too delighted to be thinking anything right then, and he just ran his hands through Mello's soft golden hair and was incredibly content with letting himself be kissed.

When Mello finally pulled away, Matt blinked, somewhat confused but very, very happy, and said, "What was that for?"

"You _know_, dimwit. I missed you," Mello said.

"Okay," Matt replied. "I missed you, too." And he used that as a perfectly reasonable excuse to kiss Mello again.

"Ahem," said a childish voice from somewhere to Matt's left. "M, M2, if you could just contain your personal lives for a few more minutes, we'd like to get everything wrapped up."

Upon hearing the voice, Matt and Mello stopped kissing and looked down. Kneeling on the ground, looking up at them, was what appeared to be a small, albino midget. Except it was no ordinary albino midget. In fact, Matt wasn't even sure that he was actually a midget at all, or just a kid who had never really grown properly. Midget or not, the small childly thing was N, the second-highest-ranking person in the rebellion against Kira, and that meant that Matt and Mello should probably cut it out.

"What the hell is _N_ doing here, Matt?" Mello hissed. He and N had never quite gotten along, as Matt remembered, and, somewhere in his very Mello-clouded brain, he started to wonder if this might be a mistake after all.

"Well," Matt said. "Remember how I told you that 'we' were coming?" Mello nodded impatiently. "Well, I realized that I couldn't get you out all by myself, so I had to call some of our old friends from the rebellion."

Mello groaned. "_Shit_, Matt. Just when I thought you'd done something _right_." He sighed. "And take off those sunglasses, they look stupid."

"That wasn't exactly the reaction I was hoping for, M," said someone else, this time to their right. Both Matt and Mello turned to see L, who was the proper leader of the rebellion, biting his thumb at them. A weird, hunching figure with messy, natural black hair, huge black eyes with bags under them, and a fondness for wearing white t-shirts and baggy jeans, L bit his thumb at just about everyone and never intended it to be insulting. It was one of those childish habits he had, along with an incredible propensity for sweets.

"After all," L continued, somewhat bemused, "if it wasn't for our actions, and Matt's, you would probably be dead."

Mello looked down. He loathed N, but Matt also knew that he had always respected L. "Yeah, I know."

"Thank you. Now, if you could separate yourself from M2, I'm going to need your help in restraining Light."

"Light? Oh, Yagami. Yeah, I'll help…"

Mello lifted his arms from around Matt's neck, and Matt let him go. He was suddenly becoming aware of how alone they _weren't_, and how there were agents, low and high-ranking, from the rebellion running around all over the place taking care of business, and that he and Mello had been kissing in front of all of them. Somehow, Matt was not at all embarrassed by this. He chalked it up to fatigue and adrenaline.

He joined L and Mello, who were standing over Yagami. "Hello, Light," L said pleasantly. "It's been awhile."

Yagami, who had been lying on the floor with his eyes closed in the fetal position, didn't look so tough anymore. Whatever Mello had done to him must have hurt. When he heard L speak, he opened his eyes and looked up. "Oh, _hell_," he groaned. "Ryuzaki."

"I missed you, too," L said.

Mello looked from one to the other with astonishment. "You know each other?"

"In a manner of speaking. Light and I were very close," L said. "That is, before he got this taking over the world idea. I always knew he was intelligent, capable, motivated, and I was the same way too, you see, and that was why we got along. Of course, I also knew there was a 99 percent chance he'd turn out to be a bad egg, but I was temporarily willing to overlook that, because of certain, err…"

"You say that _now_," Yagami snapped. "If anyone had asked you what I was like five years ago you would have been singing my praises."

"Lies do not become you, Light," L said, unruffled. "But enough of this. Where are the keys to Mello's handcuffs?"

"And remember, Yagami, I still have my gun," Mello growled. "Just in case you don't feel like answering."

"Ryuzaki wouldn't let you shoot me," Light said, but a glance at Mello's face prompted him to add, "Breast pocket."

L reached down and, with nimble fingers, produced the keys. After freeing Mello, who rubbed at his wrists, L said, "M, M2, help him up." And, as Mello and Matt did so, L did something very curious: he closed one of the cuffs around his right wrist. When Yagami was standing, L reached around and cuffed his left wrist.

"To make sure he doesn't run away on us," L explained to a very bewildered Matt and Mello.

Yagami snorted. "Yeah, sure. You just wanted to see me in handcuffs again."

_Again?_ Matt wondered, and he noticed that Mello, who had been glancing from one to the other, suddenly looked a little sick. "Oh _no_," Mello said.

L blinked. "What is it, M?"

But Mello addressed Yagami instead. "You don't…like _blonds_," he said. "You like brunettes."

"Huh?" asked Matt. Yagami smirked.

"Now is _not_ the time, M," L said sternly. "You may explain to M2 later if you so desire. There is still much to be done. N?"

"Yeah?" was the reply.

"Take care of the guests."

N turned to three of the agents who were not high-ranking enough to have letters for aliases. "Rester, Lidner, Gevanni. Make an announcement to the guests. Tell them that the party is ending early and that they should arrange appropriate transportation. Try to keep them calm. Don't let them know what's going on."

The three nodded and ran towards the ballroom, and L turned back to Matt and Mello. "Well, we should probably be going. I'll make an official announcement regarding the state of Kira's regime tomorrow. Naturally, your, um, _exact_ involvement—" He looked pointedly at Mello and Mello's unusual apparel. "—will not be specified, but I will add that you two were an incredible help."

"I _hate_ being a piece in someone else's puzzle," Mello muttered bitterly. "I so wanted to shoot the bastard."

"It paid off this time," Matt said, elbowing him. "Don't complain."

L nodded. "Listen to M2," he said. "He has more sense then you give him credit for. Only working together were we all able to bring down Kira. Now the world will slowly begin to return to normal." He shook his right wrist, and the handcuffs clinked. "Come on, Light."

"You haven't seen the last of me," Yagami said, glaring at Matt and Mello, but it was an empty threat, and L dragged him away. The other resistance members followed suit, including N, who Mello, in turn, glared at as he passed. Matt noticed that a couple of agents were dragging some of Kira's cronies with them, including Mikami and Mary-Sue. Soon, though, they were all gone, and Matt and Mello were standing in a perfectly normal-looking hallway, alone, feeling rather drained and empty.

"So I guess…" Mello said. "I guess it's over."

"Yeah." Matt wondered vaguely what they were going to do now. Mello had made it his life's ambition to catch Kira, and, well, Kira's regme had been effectively decapitated. And they were a little young to have fulfilled their life ambitions. "So…what now?"

"Now…" Mello stopped. "Well, shit. What _do_ we do now? I mean, Kira's gone…so…"

"So…"

"Hmm…now…" Mello tried thinking about the bigger picture, then shook his head, as if to clear it, and decided to focus on the short-term instead. "I vote we go home. I want to get out of this dress and these damned awful excuses for shoes."

"Oh, okay." Matt laughed and kissed him, just because he could. "I can help you with that."

"Oh, _can_ you, Mr. Bond? I'd be much obliged." Mello leaned into him, and Matt put an arm around his waist, feeling very warm. "Actually," Mello said, yawning. "I was planning on getting actual sleep. I have a feeling your plan doesn't involve much actual sleep."

"Nah. But my plan can wait." Yawns were contagious. Matt yawned and stretched and snuggled against Mello. "Actual sleep sounds like just what I need right now."

"Great," Mello said, taking a few steps forward with Matt in tow. "_Shit_, my feet are _killing_ me. How girls ever manage…"

"…You'll never know," Matt finished. "Need any help, Princess?"

And without waiting for a reply, he picked Mello right up off the ground, and, ignoring his protests, carried him to a taxi, and all the way home.

* * *

_In case you're wondering, they go home and do fall straight asleep (Mello doesn't even change out of his dress first). They sleep straight through until noon. And you guys can use your imaginations from there._

_Liked the story? Reviews are general yayness. Thank you for reading!  
_


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